The "Talking, Feeling, and Doing" game is a surprisingly effective communication tool that can significantly improve relationships, enhance self-awareness, and resolve conflicts. It's a simple yet powerful framework that helps individuals understand and articulate their experiences, leading to better understanding and empathy. This game isn't about winning or losing; it's about fostering connection and clarity. This guide will delve into the mechanics of the game, its benefits, and answer common questions surrounding its application.
What is the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game?
The Talking, Feeling, and Doing game is a structured approach to communication that focuses on separating three key aspects of an experience:
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Talking: This refers to the literal words spoken or heard. What was said? What was the tone of voice? Were there any nonverbal cues?
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Feeling: This focuses on the internal emotional response. What emotions were evoked by the words and actions? This isn't about judging the feelings, but simply identifying them – sadness, anger, joy, frustration, etc.
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Doing: This focuses on the actions or behaviors that resulted from the situation. What was done (or not done) in response to the words and feelings? This could include physical actions, verbal responses, or internal choices.
By separating these three elements, the game encourages a more nuanced understanding of communication breakdowns and interpersonal conflicts. It promotes empathy by allowing individuals to step into each other's shoes and understand the emotional impact of their words and actions.
How to Play the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game
The game can be played individually for self-reflection or with others for improved communication. Here's how:
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Identify the Situation: Choose a specific interaction or event that you want to analyze. This could be a recent conversation, a conflict, or even a seemingly minor incident.
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Describe the Talking: Detail what was said, the tone of voice, and any nonverbal communication involved. Be specific and factual.
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Identify the Feeling: Explore your emotional response to the situation. What feelings did you experience? Were there multiple emotions present? Don't be afraid to name them, even if they seem negative.
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Describe the Doing: Explain your actions or responses to the situation. What did you do (or not do)? How did you react? Be honest about your behavior.
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Repeat for Others (If Applicable): If playing with others, each person should go through the same process, sharing their perspective on the situation. The goal is not to assign blame but to understand different perspectives.
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Find Common Ground: Once everyone has shared their experience, look for areas of common ground or shared understanding. This can help bridge the gap between different perspectives.
What are the Benefits of Playing the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game?
The benefits of this game extend beyond improved communication; it also contributes to personal growth and self-awareness. Here are some key benefits:
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Improved Communication: It helps clarify misunderstandings and prevents misinterpretations.
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Enhanced Empathy: It allows individuals to see things from another person's perspective and understand their emotional responses.
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Conflict Resolution: It provides a structured approach to resolving disagreements by identifying the root cause of the conflict.
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Increased Self-Awareness: By examining your own feelings and actions, you can gain valuable insights into your communication style and emotional responses.
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Strengthened Relationships: Improved communication and empathy lead to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
What are some examples of how to use the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game?
Let’s consider a common scenario: a partner forgetting to take out the trash.
Person A (Forgot the Trash):
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Talking: "I'm sorry, I just got really busy and forgot." (Said in a somewhat apologetic tone, but maybe a little defensive)
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Feeling: Slightly guilty, a little overwhelmed, maybe a bit defensive.
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Doing: Didn't take out the trash, but later apologized and took it out.
Person B (Partner):
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Talking: "You forgot the trash again. I'm so tired of reminding you." (Said in a frustrated and slightly accusatory tone)
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Feeling: Frustrated, resentful, overwhelmed, maybe a bit annoyed.
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Doing: Expressed their frustration directly, maybe a little harshly.
By separating these three elements, both partners can understand the other's perspective better, leading to a more constructive conversation about shared responsibilities and expectations.
How Can I Use This Game to Improve My Communication Skills?
Regular practice is key. Start by using the game to reflect on your own experiences, gradually incorporating it into conversations with others. It may feel awkward at first, but with practice, it becomes a natural and helpful way to communicate effectively. Focus on active listening and showing empathy throughout the process.
The Talking, Feeling, and Doing game isn't a magical solution to every communication problem, but it's a valuable tool for increasing self-awareness, promoting empathy, and fostering healthier relationships. By understanding the nuances of our own and others' experiences, we can build stronger connections and navigate conflicts with greater grace and understanding.
